Will I ever learn?

There are some things I'll always struggle with. Cereal has been an issue, a particularly deadly combinations is my mug of maple brown sugar shredded wheat and chocolate chips. It's so yummy and like dessert to me. Sometimes I just get weak and bring things into the house I shouldn't. This weekend, on the way home from the bus on Saturday night, I made the deadly mistake of bringing milk into my house. Of course this meant I needed to get cereal. fast forward to TJs on Sunday and there I am throwing maple shredded wheat into my cart. I deserve it I tell myself. It's not like I am buying the candy cane Oreos just speaking to me. Ohhhh why?!? Of course, it's Monday night and I've eaten more than one mug of cereal. SO BAD and the enjoyment is so fleeting. I must be stronger!

Yoga

So I am super late with this post. I tried Yoga back in late October but here's my thoughts, just a month late ;)

So there's a Yoga class after the step class I do on Saturday night. My friend Patti joined me for step and suggested we stay for Yoga. I've never done Yoga before so I agreed to stay. I knew it wouldn't be a cardio workout but it would strengthen without a big impact of my knees (genetic bad knees here). I did tell the instructor I was a rookie and she was very sweet. We stood to the side so we weren't front and center. My embarrassment has to be a bit hidden. People do Yoga barefoot, which at the gym is a bit weird when you think about it. Patti took her shoes (and socks!) off so I followed suit. I grabbed the mat I use during TBC but the instructor grabbed me an actual yoga mat. My mat was more padded but it does expand/stretch, which made holding stable positions hard. Throughout class I just followed others because I had no idea what the words the instructor said meant. Yoga has it's own language! Some positions were super hard and the instructor was great! She kept an eye on me and physically readjusted me a few times. The biggest surprise to me was how hard transitioning was, I tried to do it smoothly (like everyone else dis) but sometimes I just had to be ungraceful and plop down. I didn't get as much stretching as I thought I would. I had hoped Yoga would make me more flexible but I'm not sure about that. Overall, it obviously isn't cardio but it was a good class. I wasn't too sore and I felt stronger for having done it. The best part was the few minutes at the end where we laid down in the dark with soothing music playing and relaxed. I need to do that more often. I can take 5 minutes to lay in bed and decompress at the end of the day. It was a bit "new age-y" with the comments about being grateful for our bodies yada, yada, yada but that's not a bad thing. I am just grateful to God for my body rather then being grateful to my body. :)

I've gone a couple times since and really enjoy it. It's a tough class at times and my body doesn't bend like others in the class but I'll get there. It allows me to mix things up!

To buy or not?

So I have hit a solid plateau. I'm trying not to be discouraged. I tell myself "this was my goal weight, if this is where I land it's a healthy weight." I still hope for more weightloss though. Just keep making healthy choices, hoping it will eventually break. One issue with this is the question of whether to buy clothes? I have generally skipped sizes, going from my 16s to purchasing 12s. I have just enough to get by. Mom and I were in TJ Maxx today trying things on and I found a great pair of black slacks, I have black slacks in 14. I've been told they are too big but I didn't want to buy more. Mom pointed out that I shouldn't count on more weightloss, these were very practical. Think if I'm at this weight for 4 more weeks,$20 would be worth it. I saw her point and took the plunge.

Zumba

For awhile people have told me I had to check out Zumba. I was hesitant, it seemed like a fad. This week I was looking to mix up my workouts so I thought I'd try it. I know Zumba is popular so I called ahead. NYSC allows you to reserve the day before, calling at noon the day before I was still the last one on the list! Clearly this is a popular class!

From the start it was ill-fated. I went to the wrong NYSC location! I knew it was near Rock center so I went to the Rock center club. When I didn't see Zumba on the schedule, I asked about it and found out I should have been at 49th/Broadway. I had 8 minutes to run (literally). The club is in a hotel so it was more to navigate but I made it at 5:44. I immediately raised my hand as a rookie and the instructor started to describe the hand signals. There are hand signals?!? I am hosed.... I really enjoyed the first part of the class, it had lots of jumps and hops to get my heart rate up but it was crowded. I was slightly annoyed, the instructor didn't check the list so there were definitely people there that shouldn't have been and it was affecting my experience! As the class progressed, the choreography got harder, I struggled to keep up, and my heart rate started to fall. By the end, I was so ready for class to be over - I was tired of watching my feet to make sure I didn't run into someone else or the wall (I was totally hiding in the back as I always do in a new class).

Overall, it seems like a great thing for people who want something fun, different and dance-based but there were a few people who seemed to get a minimal cardio workout. There were a few ladies in the front who knew the moves and appeared to get a good workout but I thought there were too many breaks (water/towel break after every song was excessive). The class seems to be what you make of it. Not to sound judgmental but it seems like something those that want to say they "worked out" but not really have to work hard enjoy doing. They were a few that barely did the moves, you could easily slack off/stop whenever you want. Clearly it works for some (the instructor was in amazing shape), but it wasn't my cup of tea (320 calories in 45 minutes isn't enough). I won't go back but I'm glad I went. At least I can say I've tried it!

Wait - Eat MORE calories?

Change can be difficult. I was shocked at how changing my eating habits was relatively easy when I made the decision. I think I was so focused on sticking to the plan that I didn't really have an opportunity to see what I was missing. Replace pasta for lunch daily with salmon? I focused on how to cook the salmon and eating it vs missing the pasta (but I digress).

I have been in a plateau for 6 weeks now. It's getting rather annoying. Today I did a bit of research and talked to Ana about it. I read about calorie cycling to confuse your body. The concern being, as I decrease my daily calories, the body starts to conserve energy (and calories). Totally normal but definitely not helping on the scale! Instead, under calorie cycling, I would do 1200 one day and 1400 the next. Hopefully the 1400 calorie days would be enough for my body to recognize more calories and stop conserving. Rather than this approach, Ana suggested a week back at 1500 calories. Ahhhh! This required an emergency second call.

If I had to pick the most valuable lesson I have learned, it's that not all calories are the same. I can't just tack on 300 calories of Teddy Grahams. So we chatted and settled on adding almonds back into breakfast and adding laughing cow cheese with whole grain crackers. The problem with this is I don't have "go to" crackers so the search was on. Trader Joe's always has really smart options, using healthy ingredients loaded with goodness (like flaxseed oil, which I had never heard of pre-TJs). I compared the nutrition facts but ended up buying three boxes. I'll do a taste test and pick my favorites. Always good to add another option to my repertoire of foods!

So this week, regardless of how counterintuitive it is, I'll be back up to 1500 calories. Scary but hopefully it will do the trick!

A different view

The past couple of times I stopped for veggies at Food Emporium I found a disappointingly empty shelf. Out of squash? Out of my veggie mix? Not good! So this time I stocked up. When I opened my freezer again, it struck me how much the view has changed. I know the view in mirror has changed but in my freezer too! I snapped a pic of the new (and improved) view.

A bigger (or second) freezer would be very handy but for now I just have to be organized and do frequent trips to the grocery store.

Peanut Butter

I discovered this great peanut butter brand made the PB&Co downtown; it’s so yummy I find myself sneaking bites at night… not good. There are great flavors but I just stuck with smooth operator because I didn’t trust myself with their chocolate PB concoctions. (Sometimes I just have to say I’ll never try it so I’ll never know what I am missing – that’s my theory on Pinkberry). However, in talking with Ana I wondered if maybe I could switch to the chocolate kind. Oh that opened a can of worms, she got into the sugar content of my PB. Bummer! You mean sugar PB isn’t good for me? That’s unfortunate. I have tried Trader Joe’s PB and it tastes gross but she suggested Smuckers Natural so I said I’d give it a whirl. Now I find that it’s growing on me, tasting better each day. The great part about it is that I don’t really want to snack on it outside of the planned use with apples! It’s apparently true that truly healthy snacks don’t create cravings. It’s the hidden sugar that I wanted...

Cravings

Just when I think I have “conquered” one craving I find another pops up.

First it was sugar. When Ana, my nutritionist, said she would like to see me cut down on sweets back towards the beginning of my healthy eating I flatly said that isn’t going to happen. Then for the 10 days between Labor Day & Katie’s wedding I decided to do a sweets fast. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, 10 days was a manageable time. After that I didn’t need to have a sweet every night. Just as I conquered that, my carbs craving kicked in. So random, but for a while I really struggled with Go Lean Crunch. I just wanted to snack on it all the time. Slightly sweet and carbs – sign me up! I decided I couldn’t buy Go Lean Crunch then the struggle became cereal with chocolate chips (deadly) so now I don’t keep milk in my house. I bring my cereal and use the milk at work (I know it’s for coffee but I don’t drink coffee so this is my milk consumption).

It’s annoying; will I ever not be struggling with a craving? This will probably forever be a battle for me.

Now it's too much?

You can't win. People have been so supportive of my achievements throughout this process. However, within the last month or so, I have noticed more people are now commenting to me not to lose too much. Just today, I saw someone at work (who is naturally a size 4 - I hate you) and she commented that I was wasting away. I take those comments as compliments (choosing to ignore that the choice of using negative words is probably a passive aggressive snottiness). The worst was when someone flat out told me I wouldn't be attractive as a size 4 so watch out for that!

It is beginning to bother me. I am a size 12 - trust me I have plenty to lose still. I am not anorexic here! Before, I definitely had a few to lose but now that I am losing it people are telling me to stop? Is it because seeing me take control and make healthy choices makes them uncomfortable? This is not about them.

Alas, you just can't win....

Spanx

I was cleaning out my drawers tonight, I need a "home" for my workout clothes. For the past few months I've just been hanging them on doorknobs and piling them up. I have many different versions of spanx. These were a critical pieces of clothing, they would help suck in the belly or just add a layer to smooth so the belly was less noticeable. NY is a walking city, I loved my skirts (especially the elastic waistbands) but the thighs would chaff when I walked - spanx helped with that. Tonight I decided it was time to bid the spanx adieu. I no longer need them so I'll replace them with my workout clothes. Seems fitting right?! Here's my favorite pair for those lucky people who don't need to know what spanx are.

The source...

I have been watching Biggest Loser this season. It's my first full season. For years my sister told me to watch but I knew watching others lose weight would make me feel bad so I avoided it. I started watching late last season and just loved he motivation it provided me to follow through on my goal. This season it seemed to me that they were focused on figuring out the source of people's food issues. I've heard the cliche reasons (stress eater, boredom, etc) but this was getting to their individual situations (like one guy who grew up poor, he just ate and ate when he could buy his own food). So interesting! I was talking to Christy wondering what was the source of my food issues. I realized it goes back to California. My time there was not great, I didn't fit in and the kids weren't nice to me. I definitely didn't fit the physical mold of California - I was the "fat girl". I realized food was my way of rebelling against that - I will eat whatever I want and if you don't accept me because I'm fat, that's your problem. I couldn't control whether they accepted me so I chose not to conform to what I perceived that they expected me to be - thin. I was going to be me and I just began to identify myself based on appearance. It was my way to assert my independence. I've never thought about that. It's not that I ate a lot, it's just that I ate crap. After "wasting" my 20's unhappy with my weight, I was not going to allow that to continue. I refuse to be defined by my weight, I am more than just the skinny or fat girl.

Inspiration

One of the most amazing aspects of my weightloss has been when people say that I inspire them. How crazy is that?!? It's definitely a "who'd have thunk that?!" moment for me. It also makes me do happy to hear that, by taking control of my life, I may be helping encourage others to do the same. I never understood why my sister was always so set on me getting healthy. I am beginning to understand, it's addictive - the endorphins, the feeling great about myself and my body. It's definitely something that I want to share with others. A few weeks ago one of my teachers called me out in class, highlighting my progress. She asked how much I has lost (45 pounds at that point). Little did I know at the time but there was another girl in class that was floored by that number. Today she approached me and shared that that was her inspiration to join weight watchers and make the commitment to get rid of those few extra pounds that she always has wanted to shed. She's lost 10 pounds in less than 2 months! It's just astounding and flattering to hear people say that my progress impacts them like that. Ana told me a while ago "learn it, do it, teach it". First I hope to stay dedicated to my healthy lifestyle but I'd also love to help others. If I can do it, anyone can!