The source...

I have been watching Biggest Loser this season. It's my first full season. For years my sister told me to watch but I knew watching others lose weight would make me feel bad so I avoided it. I started watching late last season and just loved he motivation it provided me to follow through on my goal. This season it seemed to me that they were focused on figuring out the source of people's food issues. I've heard the cliche reasons (stress eater, boredom, etc) but this was getting to their individual situations (like one guy who grew up poor, he just ate and ate when he could buy his own food). So interesting! I was talking to Christy wondering what was the source of my food issues. I realized it goes back to California. My time there was not great, I didn't fit in and the kids weren't nice to me. I definitely didn't fit the physical mold of California - I was the "fat girl". I realized food was my way of rebelling against that - I will eat whatever I want and if you don't accept me because I'm fat, that's your problem. I couldn't control whether they accepted me so I chose not to conform to what I perceived that they expected me to be - thin. I was going to be me and I just began to identify myself based on appearance. It was my way to assert my independence. I've never thought about that. It's not that I ate a lot, it's just that I ate crap. After "wasting" my 20's unhappy with my weight, I was not going to allow that to continue. I refuse to be defined by my weight, I am more than just the skinny or fat girl.